Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Why this, Not that?

The world plays favorites. There I said it; someone had to. There is very little reason in history why some things succeed while others fail. I know what you're saying, What about survival of the fittest?

Well, before you start spouting off the hair-brained theories of some weirdo on an island trying to make a name for himself, let me just nip it in the bud. Most of the time, the difference between becoming a legend and a loser is all up to the fickle hands of fate.

Ahem! I say, The fickle HANDS OF FATE!

Thank you.

I can see that a distinguishing blog reader like yourself is going to need a little further convincing. Well, I am happy to help. There are virtually endless examples of cultural "natural selection" selecting about as unnaturally as one could imagine!

How else besides sheer chance could you explain how two barely lingual man-beasts like Stallone and Schwarzenegger

become Hollywood royalty, while a talented (and brilliant) male specimen of Adonis proportion like Mr Miles O'Keeffe is regulated to being a mere footnote in cinema history!

Why Does Circuit City close while Best Buy remains open (...at the moment anyway)? They were virtually the same exact store! Do people just prefer blue to red?

Ponderosa and Bonanza were both huge players in the competitive "Below average steak/buffet places named after the western television show Bonanza" market in the 1980's. Somehow Ponderosa remains a thriving place where seniors can have a steak, baked potato and then finish off a buffet meal with a piece of pie from a rotating pie-fridge.

While Bonanza is a place they can only remember doing those things in.

Rally's lives, Daddy'o's goes bye-bye.

Arbys is still around but Rax says "see ya later, alligator"

There were once THREE chefs on the Cinnamon Toast Crunch box but now only one still remains. Why?

...Okay to be fair the grey haired guy killed the other two but I think my point still stands.

They still make trading cards of just about everything on earth but do you see POGS anywhere? Do you???

Comedy legend Chevy Chase bombs with his show on late night TV but a walking cure for joy like David Letterman is in his 86th (approximate) year!? What gives?

The Star Trek property seems destined to last forever while great new sci-fi shows like Farscape and Firefly get unceremoniously kicked to the curb!

Why does Count Chockula deserve to be on store shelves year round, when Boo Berry and Franken Berry (no relation) are only around during Halloween? Even worse, Fruit Brute and Fruity Yummy Mummy stop getting made altogether!

                                                        Illustration, courtesy of Tom Krohne (Monster Fink)

Why does My Little Pony get to have the fiercely loyal adult following? Why not Littlest Pet Shop?

Mad Magazine and Cracked Magazine were both personal favorites of mine as a kid. Today, Mad is still just as Mad as ever! Alfred E Newman still isn't worrying and those fold pictures still rule!

And What became of Cracked? It went from a funny magazine to the worlds first completely list based pseudo humor website!

Sega and Nintendo shared a mutual hatred only rivaled in the corporate world by Coke and Pepsi. Apparently though despite all of its trash talk...

Nintendo was chosen. And where are we today? Well, Take a look.

This my friends, is not okay.

None of this is okay and none of it is fair.

Why BluRay over HD DVD?

Again, it must be our national preference of Blue over Red (aside from the whole Mario Versus Sonic thing I just mentioned...though, Mario wears a lot of Blue too and Sonic DOES have those giant red tennis shoes...)

Everybody said Beta max was better...why did VHS win (besides the whole porn thing I mean)

Speaking of the better man not winning, I don't know how many people I've spoken to in my life who brushed their scarf to one side, crossed their skinny-jean clad legs, lowered their fake, black rimmed glasses and said "CW, I hate Disney and I have always preferred the Looney Toons characters to The Disney Characters. They're better written and much funnier!" Apparently, none of these cartoon hipsters feel like putting their viewing where there mouths are though. Disney adds to their gold mine with each and everything they produce!

While over in Looney Toons world...

I swear every crazy attempt...

...at reviving the property...

is met with a bigger failure than the time before!

It's honestly like there's someone over at Warner Brothers holding Looney Toons by its ankles shaking it and saying "Darn it, I know there's some money in there somewhere!!"

And there you have it. I could go on and on with examples both blatantly unfair and/or simply puzzling but I think I've made my point. And besides, I have to get back to blogging. I have to try to stay on the bleeding edge of pop culture relevancy. I have no way of knowing when the curious hands of fate might come out of nowhere and make me just disappear.
...And neither my friends, do any of you!

Meanwhile, at League of Extraordinary Bloggers Headquarters!!!

Daniel at thirtyish year old boy does the unthinkable and DEFENDS JAR JAR BINKS! I for one admire his courage and will fondly remember him after the torch wielding geek mob are finished with their grim work.

Personally as a big kaiju fan, I give my full support to the awesome idea submitted by Newt at Infinite Hollywood: "War Of The Gargantuans" Action Figures!!

 While I may not fully understand the pictorial post submitted by Kal over at Calvin's Canadian Cave of Cool, I have to say that after seeing the name of his blog (amazing) then reading the blog description (hilarious) and the header image (indescribebly epic) I read some of the other posts and they are fantastic! Run, don't walk to this site!


  1. HAHAHAH '... a walking cure for joy like David Letterman...' HAHAHAHAH!

    No more appropriate description of the man has ever been put forth in all his 86 (approximate) years on television (and presumably radio and carrier pigeon before that.)

    Brilliant post!

    1. Thank you very much man. I thought that part might be controversial, glad I have at least one ally!

  2. There is one instance where red won over blue--Blockbuster Express DVD kiosks are now gone, but Redbox remains. As does Netflix with its red envelopes.

    1. ha! Yes! I forgot all about them. Man, there have been a lot of decision points in the home movie watching industry!

  3. The latest Looney Tunes incarnation is probably the best thing they've done since Tiny Toons...or I'm just forgetting something awesome in between.

    1. I haven't watched a ton of it but I've heard really mixed stuff about it (a lot of it, not so great) There is also quite a bit of buzz about it's coming cancellation. I guess people just need to support the show if they want it kept alive. After all, we're all a little looney...

  4. I agree about Farscape and Firefly. I love both of those shows but I dont understand the trek fascination

    1. yeah I think sometimes sci fi fandom tends to move like a flock of birds instead of a lot of individuals having their own opinions...

  5. I will stand by Jar Jar until the end. And I agree why did Firefly crash while Trekkers lived on.

    1. Exactly! If people did a fully detached comparison, there really is no comparison

  6. I've asked myself many of these same questions. Great job taking a very basic concept and knocking it over the fence!

    Also, I should note that your link to my post doesn't work. ;)

    1. Thank you very much man! And I will fix that link today, sorry about that! (I really suck at the hyperlink thing)

  7. This was so freakin good! I too have often wondered about the cruel fate of the other monster cereal characters. Fruity Yummy Mummy never should have gone anywhere. And more importantly, why wasn't there a witch cereal? I want some Eye of Newt in my cereal bowl, like stat. I really enjoyed reading this. Nice blog!

    1. Wow. Thank you so much for that, you really made my day! And yes they need to get on that Witch Cereal idea, brilliant!

  8. Actually you can get Count Chocula, Frankenberry and Boo Berry through a company called Hometown Favorites. (That's how I get my CC supply!) Here's a link for them: http://www.hometownfavorites.com/online-grocery/monster-cereal/

    1. Nice! Thank you for the information my friend. I will definitely be taking advantage of that. Halloween Everyday!

  9. I've really enjoyed reading this and totally agree with you on everything listed. I especially agree that Miles O'Keeffe's movie career should have been of the same caliber as Stallone's and Schwarzenegger's, if not more considering, in my opinion, Miles is more handsome and much taller than the other two.

  10. Nice Blog! Has lots of stuff! Please visit my blog at wallaceandgromitpage.blogspot.com